that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
