hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
