oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
