I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Randomize
