I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
please come you make the beer taste better
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Randomize
