i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
