that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
