actually, I'm a sock model
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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