Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
