when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
