Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
