i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
NoShamevember. You game?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
