You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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