so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
