mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
