You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
We are two peas in an std pod
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
