Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
