don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
