3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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