Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
