who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Randomize
