highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
