he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
