My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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