well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
