No more Irish car bombs ever.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Randomize
