vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
