You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
