I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize