she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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