apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
