so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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