I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
