If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
