We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
