So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Randomize
