go do what you do best...puke behind churches
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
nutella sex= disaster
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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