She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
