Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
