Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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