i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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