He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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