So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
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