Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
