i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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