I swear she didn't look like that last week.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
