I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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