Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
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