Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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