Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
