I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
