I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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