I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
My vagina is officially offended.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
