It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
