I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
