Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
