This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Randomize
