we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Randomize
