I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
