i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
