i jhust puked up my retainher.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize
