I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
