There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
