Welp...herpes.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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