I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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