I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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