did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
I think I am morally bankrupt
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
3pm strippers are depressing
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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