look no pants
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
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