i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
