I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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