My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
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