Betty ford says i'm here all night
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
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