At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
