I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
