I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Randomize