I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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