I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
After tacos, we're chasing women.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
