can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
