Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
