So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Randomize
