I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
