so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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