But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
