Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
