New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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