Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
