he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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