cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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