so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize