I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
