I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
