lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
