He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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