is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
You pole danced in your parka.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
