I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
