Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
