i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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