Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
What a dumb baby whore.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
