Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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